Sometimes I feel like I have my life together, and then I’m like WOW, that was a really nice 45 seconds.
Who can relate?!?
How often do you judge yourself for not being further along in your career, relationship, family, finances, or physical goals? You may even be unhappy with your appearance, stuck in a pattern of behaving, or controlled by a certain habit or addiction?
How easy is it for you to show the not so together moments, just as much as those well thought out and put together ones?
A client got me thinking about this:
Social media is tricky. Being honest about real life is tricky. How much do you share one way OR the other? For some the number of followers or likes depicts a person’s worth, value, or level of success. Intentions behind posting something on social media are to “show” a certain aspect of yourself, while negating the other parts (sometimes the more real parts). Most often what we are telling others, is the same thing we need to reflect on in our own lives. Most of us overcompensate or flaunt the great stuff, while hiding everything else.
We choose to share aspects of our lives, in order to make up for the judgments we have about ourselves in other areas. We also choose to see what other’s post as the whole truth, no questions asked. In my coaching and therapy practice, I get to see both sides. And I, in fact…am living in both sides.
I am grateful to meet with clients who share their messes with me. Their challenges. Their dirtiest, ugliest, and most shameful moments. In front of me, they are their most vulnerable and authentic selves. This is my way of doing the same in return.
A picture can be filled both with truth and lies. But, we typically only want to talk about what feels safest; while protecting our ego from any shame, guilt, or embarrassment that may come from what our lives really look like. Maybe it’s fear of looking weak, or less successful than others see you to be. Maybe it’s because you haven’t mastered owning that darker side of yourself. We all have one.
Life is like that breeze blowing my dress up…It can complicate things, ruin the moment, or fuck up the plan. BUT, it can also lighten the mood, get you refocused, and help you realize a change is needed. It’s so important to acknowledge both sides, because we each live the same vivid and complex life. Our collective experience; the good and the bad, the easy and the hard are what define and connect each of us.
These experiences teach us, inspire us, direct us, stop us, and most important validate us.
Life can messy. It throws the most difficult challenges at you, when you are the least prepared. I’ve realized that no matter how much you plan or hope; things typically don’t go exactly the way you expected. So, the success is in figuring out how you are going to clean it up. The timing of that response is different for everyone and the tools you use may change depending on the challenge; but eventually you will come to a point where you want to change, make the change, and become the change.
Here is proof that not everything in life is filtered, meets your expectation for how you want others to see you, or that you really do have to keep it together all the time!
Be a little more authentic. Be a little more vulnerable. Be a little more honest with yourself and those around….because we ALL can relate!
Here are a few ways in which I find strength to overcome my personal judgements and life challenges.
1. Honor my feelings. It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling. Notice them and pay attention to them.
2. Engage in self care—for me the gym, running, dogs, hikes. The more you do things that fill your cup; the better you’re going to feel when you’re in a funk.
3. Use your community. Reach out and connect with those that will uplift and empower you. Unload on them if you need to, that’s why they are there. Then, pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
4. Write out your negative self talk and then substitute those thoughts with what you would like to see happen (how would you feel, what would you learn, what can you do).
5. Know that your real worth isn’t decided by a number or a heart. Get out, and find ways to make and build healthy relationships with people who are going to inspire and challenge you.
And, here are some truths that you may not otherwise see from looking at my Instagram page:
1. I definitely do not have it together…why? I questions most things I do on a daily basis.
2. I am divorced, and part of that failed relationship is because I was a horrible communicator. Yes me, the therapist…really shitting at talking to people about my feelings in my personal life.
3. I have so broke that I used to have to go into those quick loan places to making enough money to do and go anywhere with…and am now somewhere in between.
4. I am in some sort of relationship with no relationship title that isn’t a friendship but definitely am not holding a title of girlfriend. It’s messy. It’s confusing. It’s inconsistent. It’s frustrating. But, I’m not willing to do anything about it…yet.
5. I am holding on to several “lies” that I am way too afraid to say outloud because of the shame and guilt that I feel for doing those things. ONE day, I know I will speak of them. Just not now.
6. I cry. A lot.
7. I can be territorial and jealous to those I care for most. Very protective, guarding them as my own. So much so, that it blinds me from seeing the truth and what’s really happening.
8. I give and give and give….a lot. More to other’s than myself.
But hey….I am human. I’ve never claimed to be perfect. I know what I know. I know that I’m really great at supporting others. I am using my own resources to get the support I need to continue on my own personal growth journey!
Post Truthfully my friends.