The first time I came to visit South Carolina, hours after landing from a bi-coastal flight, this is where I was taken. I remember sitting in this exact place and feeling an immense amount of gratitude.
It was an odd feeling to have, as I just moved out of my home, signed my divorce paper work, closed down my office, and re-located one of my dogs. Anger, feelings of unfairness and shame around all that I had lost were what had consumed me up until that day.
But, as I looked out over the view and soaked it all in…I felt grateful for all that loss. In that moment, it was as if my eyes were wide open for the first time. All I saw were new beginnings. What was I going to do next? Who was I going to be? How was I going to handle challenges this time around?
This view impacted part of my decision to move here. It influenced my need to feel free. Take space. Be daring. Tap into that part of me that had always wanted to try new things; but was held back because it wasn’t reciprocated in my past relationship.
Today, I returned to this spot.…I am again facing more change, more transition, more unknown. In the last year I have found myself questioning every move I made to get to this point. Nothing has turned out quite as planed.
Standing in the exact same place, I realize I didn’t make a mistake in moving here. I had to move here. I had to be broken down, I had to struggle, I had to find myself in these places where I questioned everything about myself….I had MORE to lose, more to uncover, before i would be able to really take a deeper look at my shit.
I would have never had the opportunity to do this deep work, if I stayed in California.
I share this with you, because I know I am not the only one who has made decisions that have fell through. I can’t be the only one whose plan did not work out. And I am clear, that I share similar feelings of pain, grief, fear, sadness…just like you. And that’s okay.
What I want you to know, is no matter where you are at in life. No matter the suffering. No matter the battle. No matter the loss. IF, you’re willing to really dive into your own work around it…why it’s affecting you the way it is, why you have responded the way you did, what this means for your future, who you were during this time, maybe what part of yourself got lost during this time, and how you can be different the next time around….your vision of your best self will get clearer.
This time around, as I looked out; I felt free. I let go of all the unmet expectations I had in moving here. I let go of the shame I felt about how I handled things, how I treated others, and how I treated myself. I let go of the inability to be more. I let go of the discomfort about the unknown. I let go of the pressure to prove myself.
I let go. And in doing that, I saw myself again.
I set an intention right then and there, that today I was introducing this place to myself like it was our first encounter. That at Jumping off Rock, I determined who I was jumping into…who did I want to be the next 365 days. And that starting today, I was no longer going to lose myself in the midst of challenge.
If you need to move, to do it.
If you need to get that rebound body, awesome.
If you need to travel the world, and explore on your own, great.
We all process loss and transitions in different manners. But, any of you who have suffered, did so because there is a part of you that never existed until that moment. Sometimes we have to be hit hard, to take the hard and honest look at ourselves. It is the only way we can unveil more clarity about how we can love ourselves more, relate to others, as well as understand our choices, our behaviors.
Loss isn’t easy. Growth isn’t easy. But when it allows you to see THIS clear….it makes all of that terrible shit worth it. And your view of yourself becomes much more beautiful!