I know I cannot be the only human being that exists on this planet, who has had to accept the fact that life has decided to turn into the Zipper, a carnival ride at the county fair. The cage you sit in, spinning every which way on one axle, while turning on a bigger axle, which then is going around a circle on a larger frame for at least 2 minutes…google it, it makes me barf just thinking about it. That’s change! It’s that I don’t think I can handle it, okay I’ll do it, I think I’m going to die, wow that’s fun, let’s do it again experience.
Change has sucker punched me over the last 8 months. Every change experienced was something unexpected. The only way I know how to best describe it, is as a juxtaposition. It’s sad yet hopeful, it’s scary but exciting, and it’s unfamiliar but feels most authentic. It’s a mess of highs and lows. But after being forced to make these changes, I have come to learn a few things about myself which I hope can empower you to start seeking change; as I am now. Because although rough, this ride I’m currently on is a total adrenaline rush!
Change is inevitable. It happens every day. The change I’m talking about is the big stuff, the stuff that usually scares people the most, like change within relationships, jobs, finances, etc. You see, I’ve come to realize that people (me included) settle. Settling is safe, it’s predictable, and it’s easy. Even when we are completely unhappy and maybe even miserable with an area of our life, settling makes more sense than taking the risk that comes with change.
For the longest time, I was living my life on auto-pilot. I was locked into patterns of living that required no extra effort. I did the same-o, same-o every day. I would look at my life and know I was not happy, but because of commitments I made and maybe even stigmas I didn’t want to be connected to; I just cruised right along pretending life was perfect. I was set on cruise control, between “this is just how it is” and “maybe it will just get better with time”. Fortunately for me, that car ride ended and I am more present and aware of how I want to navigate my life from here on out.
What I can tell you is, if your gut is saying something you have to listen to it. Life is about trusting your instincts and your feelings. I ignored a lot of things, devalued my intuition, and put aside my wants and desires because it was easier. Don’t do what I did. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. If you want more of something, ask for it. There is a reason why we were given that little voice.
The second part is knowing that no matter what, you’re going to be ok. How does that work? First, you have to accept that the change has happened or is going to happen. Say it out loud, write it down, whatever you need to do. “I accept that I no longer am….” Or “I accept that my life now looks like…”. Sounds silly, but it gets you to take ownership of the change. No blame game needed. I remember the exact day when I got to this point, I was in Idaho for Christmas. It was almost as if I was being crowned Queen of a massive kingdom, with which I had all the power to determine who went where, for what and, how. I felt so empowered, and I was the one who did it!
The last part has actually been the most scary, but also the most fun. I started saying out loud what I wanted. I wanted to move, I wanted to travel more, I wanted to explore, I wanted to meet new people, I wanted to find myself but the new version. Wild enough, in a synchronistic way all those things started to happen. It’s not like I sat back and poof…I was doing things to create momentum. But I never imagined that the doors opening for me currently existed.
I want to be clear, I have lost or had to give up many things in the last 8 months. Things that I really cared about, loved, saved. BUT, I am also in the process of gaining even more. I’ve learned that I can handle anything. I’ve realized I do have a voice, and that it’s important to stick up for myself and ask for what I want. I’m no longer held back by other’s limiting beliefs because the only voice drives me now is mine. I have been given the chance to create the life that I always thought about having, maybe even dreamt of. All that change is good and worth way more than the nickels and dimes.